There he is...

.... the devil. Can't you see it's red eyes? But let me start from the beginning.

We slept in late on New Years Day. Some, ahem, later than others. One of them ventured out for a ten minute period around 10am and then dropped back into bed for another couple of hours. Meanwhile, the rest of us watched movies and ate bacon and muffins.

Around one o'clock, we finally convinced them that daylight was indeed not a bad thing and we all crept out under that bright gaseous orb.

We made a pit stop at McDonalds, loaded up with grease and sugar, and made our way to our destination: A drive-thru safari. Since two of our crew lost their legs dancing all night, this was a perfect way to enjoy the nice day and not over-exert ourselves.

It ended up being better than we thought it would be. It lasted about two hours and for the same price as a movie, we were able to get some air, some conversation, and some fleas. Two out of the three were really nice. It was the conversation that was lacking. It varied between screams, gasps, monotone responses, and burps.

I was the person screaming. And it was only when I met my friends, los diablos. These emus were everywhere. And they came out of no where too. One minute I'm enjoying a nice handful of fries...(which by the way, I had made the proclamation the night before that I would not eat in 2009. I lasted 12 hours)

...and the next minute, their beak is bumping the window next to me.... piercing me with their bright red eyes. They won't leave you alone, either, until you throw holy water on it, or something like that. I don't know, it was a blur.

We played chicken with bulls and became up close and personal with our mohawked zebra friend. A & R reached out to pet it when R lost his fingers.

B didn't lose an appendage while petting the camel. But even if he did have a serious injury that day, I don't think he would have made a noise. He probably would've used that as an excuse to take a nap.

A chased kangaroos and I let a baby monkey climb over me. This added two more years to my "wait to have kids" schedule.

On the way home, we stopped to pick up pizza and then watched movies in our makeshift theatre-seating living room. I think the rest of the crew was in small-screen shock, coming from homes that have triple the tv screen size. They were polite about it though and it ended up being really cozy. If R and I didn't have to work that Friday, we would have forced them to stay longer, we had so much fun. Thanks for bringing in the new year with us!

NYE

Some friends came down to our new place and hung out with us on NYE. We had a fantastic time....

We laughed...

We danced...

We sang...

We got defensive...

(I thought this guy was referring to how much I reveal on my blog -- yes, everything still revolves around me)

But who knew that New Years Day would be so interesting and frightening. I looked into the eyes of the devil that day, my friends, and survived. More to come.

Game Playin' Family Pt 2

One of my favorite memories over the holidays was the Saturday after Christmas. I looked out the backyard window and saw ice on the trees. Yes, I thought, an excuse to stay in my pjs and not brush my hair.

My dad walks in the mornings with my mom's brother & sister-in-law and this Saturday morning, they spontaneously came over for breakfast. I need to buy a lace tablecloth because it instantly dresses up a meal. We had egg casserole, bacon, rum cake pancakes, and fruit. Is there anything better??

I forgot to mention we had coffee too. LOTS of it. After our feast, we decided to play some dominoes and I caught a look in my uncle's eyes that scared me. Uncle J + Coffee + Early morning walking = I now have three more eye wrinkles from laughing so much. We played 13 rounds of dominoes and that still didn't stop us!

Soon after, we decided to have a Connect Four play-off. In the second round, my mom was seriously studying her next move while I was seriously trying to position my hair to cover up as much of my makeup-less face as possible.

My uncle J was not seriously doing anything. Notice the coffee cup.

I made it to the finals...and won. But that didn't stop R for reminding me of my 2nd round loss to him (we had double eliminations, for your information). The result of that match reminded me of our rooftop chess session.. That's okay, you can't win all the battles.

Come see me at the Smithsonian!

R sent me an email a few days ago and the subject said "You wanna go to this?". My eyes got huge b/c it's normally me who researches places to death and then convinces him that we aren't really living unless we go to them. So I opened it up and at first I was admittedly disappointed and then excited. I had set the bar high in my head: New York, Cancun, or maybe Austrailia? Nope, it was to a college a few towns away.

It's a group touring the United States compiling a handwritten copy of the Bible. One person writes one verse each and then their name is indexed in the back. You have to write the same verse twice because one copy is being donated to the Smithsonian and the other will be used for resale purposes.

R was nervous that he would have to copy one of the Ten Commandments and then would forget to write the word ''not'' in it, causing someone to really believe murdering is acceptable.

We decided to meet each other up there and by the time we got close, it was already dark. Mapquest failed to mention that a key street was closed, yet there was no detour showing the alternate way to get to the college. Now guys, there's a few times in my life when I get cranky... okay more than a few, but these are the most common: when I'm hungry, when I'm lost, and when my hair feels greasy. Well, tonight I was all three. Those, coupled with my road rage, causes me to become a seriously mouthy sailor. I know that's redundant. I'm making a point. A sailor would think I was mouthy. And that it was nighttime didn't help, because then I know people can't see my lips moving and so I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want.

But here's the ironic part... Read the verse I had to write (Matthew 15:11.) I'm just sayin...

A Wrinkle in Time

Some people divide their life up by the fashion they wore, their hairstyles, or even the boys and girls they liked. When I look back on my 28 years, it can be easily segmented out by books/genres I read. My nose has been in a book since 'See Dick Run' sentences finally lept from the pages. In my childhood home, we had a built-in bookcase in a narrow hallway. I loved the feeling of swinging the two doors wide open, pushing them against the wall so people could pass by and sitting cross-legged in front of a tower of written worlds. It was never organized, which lent itself to the feeling of discovery and triumph when a book popped from the back of the shelf. These escapes helped energize my childish curiosity and, later, helped ease my adolescent wounds. Both my adventure and safe haven.

In my parent's house, there is a little nook in the living room with an antique table set next to my great-grandmother's chair, re-upholstered by my grandma. On the opposite wall is a free-standing bookcase, filled with the same books of my childhood.

In my earliest reading days, I read fairy-tales of course. This naturally led into my first "novel" in third grade: Alice in Wonderland. I was so proud of myself and remember bragging to my sister that I had finished it. She didn't believe me, which made me upset. Then came the Beverly Clearly stage, followed by Anne of Green Gables & the Indian in the Cupboard series. Then, in fifth grade my teacher decided she would read to us after lunch in an attempt to smooth the transition of our red & sweaty faces to a calmer classroom. She chose C.S. Lewis and by the end of the first day, I insisted that my mom buy me the Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe set. My high school days alternated between historical romance novels (if I couldn't get kissed...I might as well read someone else getting it), Stephen King, and the classics (British mostly.)

This was my favorite fairy-tale book as a child. I was enthralled by the princesses' perfect hair and how it always separated into three different strands. I looked at it with envy and resented my own.

To me, books are like smells & photos. They instantly bring me back to a specific time in my life. I remember characters like old friends I haven't kept in very good contact with, but still can recall good memories. Or like places I've visited long ago and have a vague, almost blurry picture of in my head. I can't separate my past from them, and can't wait to introduce my own children to them.

Game-Playin' Family Pt 1

My trip home over Christmas was three parts game playing to one part opening presents. Which, in my book, is just fine. The perfect present, to me, is doing things. I do appreciate everything given to me, though, and I think everything has already been used so far. Very thoughtful.

Our first night with the parents (you see, now we are guests and need a place to sleep instead of visiting for just the day and returning home the same night. I like this set-up much better, if you ask me.) involved a little debate, a little church, and a little Win, Lose, or Draw. The last of which is a given. I come from a long line of game players. My parents like a good poker game, my grandparents were card players as well. We even have evidence that my great-great-great grandfather liked them as well. He was a stowaway on a ship that came to America...and if that isn't gambling, I don't know what is. It's in my blood. And I'll shed it if I have to in order to win.

Look each other in the eye!

We clinked glasses filled with eggnog & whiskey and called for a good, clean night of playing. I think my dad was secretly trying to sabotage my much needed drawing skills, because after just a whiff of the drink I couldn't see straight. He denies it, but don't we all in times of battle?

Mom interpreted "clean fun" to mean not getting marker on the carpet.

My mother also tried to impair her competition's judgement by having us use the biggest marker I've ever seen in my life. We did three rounds with it until one of us finally admitted to having the munchies due to the fumes.

We're pretty serious throughout our games too. It's not unusual to go to the dictionary during Scrabble, or to research rules on the internet while questioning someone's move in other games. Finger-pointing and hands gently laid on people's thighs are usually the first sign that a "we're going to get to the bottom of this" flag has been thrown. I can't remember what rule was broken in this round. R could have drawn into another square on the sheet of paper for all I know.

By the end of it, we were pretty exhausted. Or maybe we were faking it in order to cut our losses. Either which way, it was a good start to the week.

Wiping our hands clean.

We've sold our home officially as of last Tuesday. This is me after we signed our part of the paperwork. I was more excited than I look. It was early in the morning. Give a girl a break.

I don't care, just feed me.

Feed a cold, starve a fever? ...or is it feed a fever, starve a cold. Either which way, whenever I'm sick with a cold or a fever, I manage to twist the saying so I can eat in both instances.

Our internet is up and running after throwing a fit, so more posts to come.

100 bucks*...

...to the first person who can guess which scene from which movie R is acting out. Think abstractly. You'll get it.

*Just kidding.

Who's says No TV means More Free Time

Even though we've ditched our TV for good, we can somehow find ways to waste the day away. Oh well, He-man is worth it on an early morning.

Cursed.

I've never hated anything more than getting my photos taken for Costco and Sams. In both situations, the workers behind the counter held up a little ball thingie that doesn't resemble a camera at all. And didn't even give me a good 'ole count-to-three. They held up their hand and down it went again. I thought they were holding a stress-reliever thing and was adjusting their unstressed arm while a decidedly stressed new customer slowly comes to the realization of what just happened.

Thank god the photos I took of the cards didn't come out well. Otherwise I think the reality of such a horrible pic would have shocked you straight into a coma. I just came out of mine.

"Hello, My name is Carolyn..."

I was flipping through our school's handbook and came across the Drug & Substance Abuse Policy. It listed some tendencies that could be indicators of said drug/substance abuse. One of those lists caught my eye...the Social Impairment list. Once I read it, I knew I was in trouble. I almost created my own personal intervention because I was convinced I had a drug or substance abuse problem solely based off this list. 

"Carolyn, I know you smelt the fruit-scented Crayola markers daily while attending Kindergarten class. I love you, but this is what I will not do for you 23 years ago if you don't stop smelling those markers. I will not allow you to watch Mary Poppins and pretend to be dancing with penguins. I will not let you go in the side yard to eat the weird orange-like fruit off that tree with your grade school friends..the fruit whose skin is sweet & edible and pulp is sour. Lastly, I will not allow you to sleep with your favorite teddy bear to whom you whispered nightly that if a robber came in, you would sacrifice yourself before him. Now, will you climb into that time-travel machine and get the treatment you need?"

From the blog posts alone, I can diagnose myself as being socially impaired. And off we go:

• Inappropriate verbal remarks (subjects/words/expletives)-- my social impairment crosses cultures.
• Angry outbursts/unrestrained agitation -- yelling in a enclosed stairwell at Six Flags.
• Crying that cannot be explained -- I tried putting it into words, but don't know if I conveyed the depth of it.
• Euphoria -- Can you beat antiques, nature, and beach cruisers with a little wine tasting sprinkled throughout?
• Paranoia -- accusing wild spiders of a failed assassination attempt.
• Hallucinations -- thinking a hat was my adopted child.

Behaviors that are markedly changed for that individual such as:

• Introversion -- at least for the first part.
• Extroversion -- visiting friends.
• Sullen -- reality is always devastating.
• Giddy -- chocolate and stories.
• Irritable -- that window guy was a jerk.
• Defensiveness -- it didn't have to throw it in my face like that, though.

There you have it. Take me or leave me. But, I've got to run. Gotta throw out all my fruit-scented markers so I can let my 5-yr old self watch Mary Poppins again.

Date Night

R romantically suggested we go out to eat last Saturday. Little did I know he meant at the Sam's Club sample counters. Lucky for me, I had my camera because I could not believe the portion sizes. We'd have date night here every time if it were up to me.

[Side note, and this is just completely random. If anyone else gets frustrated that even though you want to use your credit card here -- say for flight miles or something -- and can't, we devised a plan. You buy a Walmart giftcard for however much you think you're going to spend and then use the giftcard in Sams. I know. We're geniuses. This has two bonuses -- 1) You get your credit card rewards and 2) it helps limit how much you spend. If you're anything like us, as soon as you walk through the doors, you suddenly turn Donald Trumpish and start asking loudly why isn't everything gilded, because you really prefer to buy things packaged in 14 kt gold...and for that matter, can't you just buy the gold in bulk?]

So we wandered around a bit, looking for christmas presents and buying household items. Then we saw the crowds. You know where the good stuff is by the hustle and bustle near sample counters.

That guy in the brown jacket got seconds, I just know it.

People really crack me up though. As we were standing in line for our entree of buffalo wings (complete with celery and blue cheese dressing), we noticed two ladies continuously standing by the server. It was only when we got close enough that I heard the server say, "You need to stand in line" and one of the ladies said, "Well, we'll just be after the girl in the scarf."

That was me. And I was happy to be called a girl. One time a magazine seller came by our place and he basically insinuated that R looked 10 years younger than me. And by basically insinuating, I mean he said, "Wow, he looks ten years younger."

So as we get our entree [yes, still in date mode], I turn to leave and behind me I heard the ladies point out exactly which wings they wanted to be served. I had to laugh! Weren't these samples? Maybe they really were on a date.

We stopped by the furniture section to watch part of "Ice Age" and who knows how long afterwards, we decided it was time for dessert. Again, I scanned for hungry crowds and spotted one in the bakery. R and I literally gasped out loud when we saw the sample. A whole slice of cake?? We were in heaven. R really knows how to pull out all the stops when taking his lady out.

After piling a few more things into our cart and watching a little bit more of Ice Age, we meandered down this aisle only to find a lonely sample server. Why wasn't anyone invading her personal space? Intrigued we went over, only to find that the reason she looked so happily alone was because it was... [silent whisper]..... healthy. I bet she raised her hand so fast when they were discussing 'sample schedules' at the weekly employee meeting because she knew no one would bother her.

We looked at her as if she were the person handing out toothbrushes on Halloween. We want fat and grease on our date night, thank you very much. But just like on Halloween, you never turn anything down...so we helped ourselves to some gala apples just because we could. Besides, we needed to cleanse our palates for...

Blissfully cutting up apples in silence.

right-out-of-the-toaster-oven chocolate chip cookies!! Now that's what we're talking about. R went back for seconds and I just missed getting a shot of him and that little boy get into a scuffle. Apparently the boy announced, "Steer clear, ears is here!" and pushed his way to the front. No one stands between R and his cookies...anyone west of the Mississippi knows that, little kid. [tumbleweed blows by]

Sams is a time-warp and I really don't know how long we were there, but we crossed some major things off our to-do list. It was a good feeling to arrive home stuffed and accomplished.

Thanksgiving Cup

R's grandma uses the same cups each year without removing the markings on them. This is R's from 10+ years ago.

I guess ours could have been worse.

One of my co-workers is a justice of the peace and will randomly marry couples in our building. A young couple eloped in one of our classrooms today.

I didn't think anything would have been worse than where R and I got hitched. When our original building's roof blew off from a tornado a month before the date, we scrambled and found a little church in the same town.

They positioned their church as "from the 1800s". We later found out that only the stones used to build the church were from the 1800s...and really, doesn't that include just about every stone anywhere? Anyway, we attended a service to check it out and after it ended, what happened was straight out of "Children of the Corn". The entire congregation turned around with their arms outstretched and walked zombie-like to greet us. It was terrifying.

I noticed a paint-by-number "Last Supper" and R spotted Jesus' hologrammed rookie card. We were sold.

Moonshine & Waltzes

Last Saturday, R and I met up with one of his friends who was taking part in a civil war reenactment. It was held at an actual battleground during the war and, to me, was fascinating! I had never been to one and was envious of all the other girls in their gowns. His friend, C, is a wonderful medley of interests and talents. He's almost like his own TV Guide. ESPN (former collegiate football player), BRAVO (he has launched his own line of ties -- www.christianmicheal.com), STYLE (puts on fashion shows throughout KC), and HISTORY (is moving up the ranks within his infantry). I'm sure there's more, but I didn't have enough time to pick his brain.

Upon seeing the tents, I, of course, squealed with delight. For some reason, I didn't realize that they actually camped there. I imagined the guys shooting off canons, riding some horses, falling dead, and then picking themselves up to walk straight to their car for home. So seeing these plain canvas & wood tents made my eyes light up, which in turn made R roll his.

The attention to detail was superb. In front of another tent, there was a teapot left sitting above a smoldering woodpile as if only moments ago soldiers were gathered 'round.

We arrived at the site right before the war was to "kick off" (as they say in army-speak). We started walking down a crowded hill at a deadly pace. The hill suddenly took a steep turn and by the end, we were practically running, dodging around people sitting calmly among the leaves....The whole time I never cracked a smile, hoping that people would connect my athleticism to the battle taking place and instead of being mad that I kicked leaves in their face as I went by, would nod after me with appreciation.

We watched about 20 minutes of the battle and then R got hungry. I tried to convince him that the soldiers were hungry too, and couldn't we at least experience that? 30 seconds later we were scrambling back up the same steep hill towards the Meeting Hall.

Along the way, I saw some women cooking stew over an open flame and be-bopped my way over to them. The women camp separately from the men. But according to C, they run around in their little packs hosting tea parties and basically not fighting wars. I could do that. One woman showed me the inside of her tent and made sure to announce, while pointing to a heater, that no matter how much she loves the era, she is not going to die during a freezing night camping.

We chowed down some great chili and cornbread. In the meeting hall were two ladies standing around a piano. The third was hanging ornaments onto a tree. Note to self: Always string popcorn on a tree. Instant coziness. While R finished up my bowl of chili, I wandered over to one of the women. She had an assortment of items from way back when and I was particularly intrigued by the Lady's Toolbelt. It came complete with a key, a thimble, a pin holder, and various other necessities. From someone who needs a Garmin just to find her keys in the morning.... I'm digging this idea.

Later, we went back to watch the rest of the battle and find C. I managed to catch a shot of a soldier falling off his horse unintentionally. Everyone whooped and hollered, but I don't think he was thrilled watching his horse run off the field. At that point, I would have pretended to have been shot to save face. (Spoken like a true stage-mom.)

And then we spotted him! There he is!! Leading his team up the hill. I teased him on his quickness to be the first up and was rewarded with a grave description of his duties instead of laughter.

My first photo with a civil war officer. We later took him out for a few drinks to celebrate surviving the battle and that's when he mentioned the dances. Every Saturday night, everyone meets at the hall to do period dances. Don't you guys remember the dress I bought on eBay? Uh hello, it found a home. Civil war reenactments. R and I decided we're going to try one out next summer and C offered to help us in our transition across centuries. Is it April yet?

Did I mention he had a tie line? (Great Christmas presents!)

Library Surprise

Our books are overdue now by 20 cents but, you know what, that's okay. When we arrived, the library had closed, but we hardly noticed. Right next to it was a magical wonderland of sparkling trees. We only had one pair of gloves, so we each wore one on our outside hand and put our inside hands together in R's coat pocket. No one had ventured out of their homes just yet, so it was just me and R....strolling along....circling trees and ponds. We caught up on how each other's week went. He had been out of town physically for his job and I had been out town mentally because of my reading. It was peaceful, yet awakening. Good start to the weekend.

We stopped for a few seconds to watch Santa fish, while a white swan honked at me for interrupting their early evening nap.